Cafe Chat Discussion
29th Sep 2011 12:17am
Last Post 27th Jun 2012
Truth-"warts and all"
In my day-long ago, (when knights were bold) parenting seemed to follow the line of-"Do as I say, not as I do". I remember hating the hypocracy of it, and feeling that if I really was supposed to be and feel so chaste and good-then their really was something very wrong with me. The expectations were so high and I seemed to always be just short of what seemed to be expected of me. I wasn't abused as a child, but love was very thinly spread round, and I yearned to be allowed to be myself. Then came the new way to think-"Unconditional love"-Wow-what an amazing concept. I decided when I was very young, that when I had my own children, I would say "I love you" every day, but just as importantly I'd tell them the truth-Just tell it how it was-is-or seemed to me to be,and let them decide. With that decision made, I can honestly say, that I have shared the good, the bad and the ugly, in as gentle way as I could and mindful of age apppropriateness with my child, who is now 19yrs. It hasn't always been pretty, or easy, and Im sure sometimes just as hard to hear as it has been to tell. We all have things in life that shape us and make us who we are, some amazing and beautiful, and some sad, hard and ugly, but thats what makes us who we are. After all that- my daughter and I talk about anything and everything-no holes barred-and I really love that , and most importantly, she knows I love her, no matter what! I must admit though, that we have more of a friendship, than a mother/daughter relationship, which comes with its own challenges. I can suggest she do this or that, but I have never been able to tell, ask or insist she behave as I want her to. With truth comes responsibility, and not alot of power. As a matter of fact, honesty shows how human a parent really is or can be,and there goes all your power, or at the least, the right to expect our kids to be what very few of us ever were , or are even now. I DO wish sometimes, that I could say stuff like "Dont do as I do-Do as I say"(One of my personal favourites-not),but Id only get a raised eye-brow and a Lol! My point, after this long ramble-or my question is-How honest should we be with our kids? Do ALL parents skirt the truth or the facts, of things to protect our kids? And what do other mothers, fathers, parents think-would you disclose say-a criminal history, or a drug addiction, or a family skeleton, for basically the same reason-to protect them? As for me-the juries still out-but I'd love to hear what others think! Reply
27th Jun 2012 11:28am
Robyn says: I think your honesty is refreshing and that is what a great relationship is based on. Honesty is everything in this day and age. There are times when we put off sharing things with our kids until they are of an age to be understanding of the situation, so I guess it is just "horses for courses" and do it when the time is right - warts and all. I believe they will respect you and be more inclined to be open with you.
When our kids become adults, I think sometimes (as mothers) we need to button our lips in situations where they need to make the decision, but be there if your input is asked for.
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