Cafe Chat Discussion

  • Rocky40
    Rocky40
    Posted on:
    3rd Mar 2011 09:57am

    Last Post 20th Nov 2012
    Replies     19

    Is it ok to be happy

    My partner and I are blissfully happy and in love, but over the last six weeks we have had four sets of friends brake up. I now find that some of these people are now acting strange around us, like we aren't meant to be happy because they aren't. Both my partner and I have been married before so we know what they are going through and are trying to be supportive but it is hard when they are being short tempered and gloomy all the time when around us it really brings the mood down for everyone. My question to the world is have others found this among their friends, does it get better or have we lost our friends.

  • Jess25
    Jess25
    Posted on:
    16th Mar 2011 10:11pm

    Jess25 says: Rocky40 I'm happy that you and your partner are happy, my advice to you is be happy, stay happy and if given the opportunity spread the happiness. If these people are your true friends they will come around and appreciate your friendship. Treasure your happiness, life is too short to do otherwise.

  • Raksha
    Raksha
    Posted on:
    17th Mar 2011 10:38am

    Raksha says: Over the years I have found that quite a few of my friends have come and gone. This is part of a rich and fullfilling life. You will make and loose many friends over yours too I'am sure. Don't let others intrude on your special relationship with your partner. This has come about through both of your previous life experiences and perhaps your friends must go through their problems before they reach your level of happiness. All you can do at present is be there for them, listen but don't take their problems to heart.
    I was told by a very wise man many years ago. Don't look at loss and change as a problem, but a new beginning.

  • AURELLA
    AURELLA
    Posted on:
    18th Mar 2011 12:24pm

    AURELLA says: OF COURSE IT IS OK TO BE HAPPY.. remember we choose the life we live, otherwise we would go out and do something else...every morning when you wake up you decide "will I be happy today?" or "will I be miserable?" YOUR CHOICE...have you ever noticed that if you smile at someone they nearly always smile back, I know it works....

  • Phoenixarizona
    Phoenixarizona
    Posted on:
    18th Mar 2011 05:25pm

    Phoenixarizona says: Wow what wonderful friends you have to sit and be envious of your happiness and treat you badly for it. That's lovely.
    In all though I don't think you have lost your friends. They're bitter. I think that you will find that if you give them a bit of time, and maybe not see them when your partner is around they will eventually get over it. The problem with having single friends is that they see how in love and happy you are and then can't understand why they don't have that.
    Be happy, enjoy being happy and don't worry about your friends tthey will come round.

  • Rocky40
    Rocky40
    Posted on:
    19th Mar 2011 08:40am

    Rocky40 says: Thank you all for you thoughts, over the years I have found that friends have came and gone but just not for this reason. A couple of them have settled down and I
    have decided that the one that is still being nasty and trying to make me feel guilty for being happy has the problem not me and that I will be here for him if he needs a friend but I am keeping my distance ( he knows were I live if he needs me) . I was just finding it hard that I was in a way being judge and punished for nothing I had done. My partner and I are still very happy and are looking at moving in together very soon (two large houses and lots of kids and pets to merge) should be fun, I'll be here for me friends but I am going to concentrate on me and my happiness.

  • Ollie
    Ollie
    Posted on:
    9th Apr 2011 09:11pm

    Rocky40 says: Thank you all for you thoughts, over the years I have found that friends have came and gone but just not for this reason. A couple of them have settled down and I
    have decided that the one...

    Ollie says: I agree with what you said Rocky, and also with some other posts.
    People who are jealous, or compete, would not be much of a friend I do not think.
    The people I regard as my friends are people who are happy for me to have things go well. They know me well enough to know that nothing is achieved without effort. Every one of my friends, I can find something in them to admire, as they can me. We honor that to each other.
    Sure, I have lost people whom I thought were my friends, but I don't miss them and didn't need them for they were probably jealous of something, something they thought I had that perhaps they didn't, who knows, but I will not be treated less than I deserve, because of another's jealousy.... that is their problem, not mine.... it's a choice of theirs.
    I have three sisters, but unfortunately two of them eternally compete, so I choose to not be around them much, for I cannot be bothered with their constant comparing and sarcasm, as it is too hurtful. Just because we are family does not make us similar thinkers, and though I care about them as 'family' I do not go out of my way to seek. One sister though is on my planet, and we both enjoy and honor the good things that happen to each of us.
    You cannot live your life according to your so called friends rules. Do what you think is best for you and your partner, but cool from people who have their own selfish baggage. You don't need them actually.

  • SarahEC
    SarahEC
    Posted on:
    20th Mar 2011 04:37pm

    SarahEC says: Of course it OK to be happy! But you know what a breakup is like yourself - absolutely devastating. These people are in a horrible place right now - when they come out of it they will no doubt be ashamed of being short with you, but you will yourself know how hard that stuff will be to take for them right now. Just cut them slack until they're in a better place, and be there for them as a reminder that things get better - you had to go through the pain pf losing your old relationship before you found this great new one, right? So be happy, but also realise that it will take a while for them to get through their enormous pain and hurt and start being reasonable people again.

  • tasma
    tasma
    Posted on:
    18th May 2011 04:17pm

    tasma says: Be patient these people are going through trauma, no matter how little, they will behave in a different manner. Give them support if you truly their friends, they will appreciate you for it when they are feeling more themselves and treasure your friendship forever knowing you will be there for them through thick and thin.

  • 19chris51
    19chris51
    Posted on:
    14th Jun 2011 10:58pm

    19chris51 says: Hi Rocky40 I don`t think you have lost your friends, they are just trying to get a handle on their situation, it will get better. You and your Partner are happy , thats good, infact its great and you have every right to be happy and blissfully so, unfortunitly these people can not feel happy about much with their relationships in tatters. Just try and perserver, it will be better and if not....... well I can not see that they are true friends... goodluck and its nice you are blissful and in love

  • Chicken
    Chicken
    Posted on:
    19th Aug 2011 01:22pm

    19chris51 says: Hi Rocky40 I don`t think you have lost your friends, they are just trying to get a handle on their situation, it will get better. You and your Partner are happy , thats good, infact its great...

    Chicken says: Of course it is ok to be happy, you have been, as you say, blissfully happy for years. What has changed, not you or your husband, he still loves you and you love him. Don't let others problems get to you, yes they are friends and you try to stand by and help your friends but if they don't want your help or even your friendship you just have to 'let go'. It is hard, but the problem is theirs, not yours and if you let it get to you you will be the one to suffer which it sounds like you may be already. Otherwise, why are you asking the quetion in the first place?

  • antp
    antp
    Posted on:
    22nd Jul 2011 04:44am

    antp says: Yes it is perfectly ok to be happy. As others have said before me it if things that your friends are working through that is making them the way they are atm. Be there for them but don't get too caught up in their misery or it will bring you down too. Sometimes friendships are for a season and you have to step back and accept that.

  • ValmaL
    ValmaL
    Posted on:
    17th Aug 2011 09:57pm

    ValmaL says: I am a person who is there for others and sometimes it is difficult to be around "them" and be upbeat.
    I have a rule and I voice that often that I will be there for them but my relationship and family will always come first. At times it helps clarify how much you can help friends etc and it tells them you need to look after yourselves and your relationship. It has worked well for us for 45yrs. I don't mean forget others but be consistent with them and also treasure what you have. ALl the best to you both. Valma

  • mermaid
    mermaid
    Posted on:
    18th Aug 2011 12:17pm

    mermaid says: My philosphy take care of number one foremost and share in the good and not so good within your cricle of friends. Sometimes we are not in a position to help those who by choice will not help themselves no matter how hard you try, it rests with ones self acceptance.

    Disharmony results from an inability to accept what is before us, when we do resolve is oh so healthy and happiness returns. I feel Raksha's experience with an elder speaks volumes of what we create in our lives as part of the journey in life.

  • Kaz
    Kaz
    Posted on:
    31st Aug 2011 08:52pm

    Kaz says: Its very hard to know what to do. When my first marriage broke up, friends didnt actually share their love around.They did take sides, which was very hard. The same happened with family on both sides. I loved my sister inlaw, but in my eyes a clean break was better. I think your friends are just confused what to do.

  • glossy21
    glossy21
    Posted on:
    3rd Aug 2012 10:22pm

    glossy21 says: i believe if you and your partner are happy together tou shoudnt worry about outside influences. At the end of the day no one can live your life for you, just commin sence really !

  • CAT17
    CAT17
    Posted on:
    7th Aug 2012 05:27pm

    CAT17 says: Good on you for enjoying each and wanting to just be in love and be happy. My advice though is to maybe cool off your 'single' friends a bit. Couples and singles do not always work. Try and mix more with other couples who have things in common with you. It is sad that your friends have broken up, but that is about them not you and your relationship. Stay in love it is a wonderful thing.

  • ali807875
    ali807875
    Posted on:
    2nd Nov 2012 12:21pm

    ali807875 says: I are blissfully happy and in love, but over the last six weeks we have had four sets of friends brake up. I now find that some of these people are now acting strange around us, like we aren't meant to be happy because they aren't. Both my partner and I have been married before so we know what they are going through and are trying to be supportive but it is hard when they are being short tempered and gloomy all the time when around us it really brings the mood down for everyone.

  • Gaye
    Gaye
    Posted on:
    7th Nov 2012 07:30pm

    Gaye says: Stay happy ,try to be positive with your friends but sometimes distance is needed to get a perspective on things especially if the broken couples want you to take sides

  • Kat
    Kat
    Posted on:
    20th Nov 2012 05:42pm

    Kat says: Been there Done that!
    It is very frustrating to be made feel guilty because of your own happiness, for me it was a constant occurence with my girlfriends who would complain about their partners not doing this or doing that-and expect me to join in when infact Ive been married 20 years to a warm generous selfless man- who shares my life equally we are a real team, , we rarely argue and nothing gets us down. I have absolutley no complaints at all and I would find my self feeling really uncomfortable and fake when they would get on their men hating whinge session. I realised I was avoiding get togethers with them so I decided to just tell them as it is"I must be one of the lucky ones as I dont have any of those problems" but I listened to them and gave a supportive ear if they needed one.
    Its the same when I lost a lot of weight I was so exited but hid my happiness from my friends, No one seems generally happy for anyones happiness anymore, I love it when my loved ones are happy i get so exited for them yet I have never received the same support back. Sad really! stand your ground as life is too short to spend your life worrying what other people are thinking or saying. Just be happy Its what you would want for them Isnt it?.

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