Cafe Chat Discussion

  • Ralphy
    Ralphy
    Posted on:
    23rd Nov 2010 08:54am

    Last Post 5th Jan 2012
    Replies     14

    Child support & the non custodial parent.

    Why is it that when paying child support that the "non custodial parent" has no rights? Our "GROSS" pay is what the % is taken from not the net. So regardless of any mortgages, car payments, loans etc we have or even how much we pay in tax, they take it from the GROSS.... yet they do not take into account if the Ex is re married, their partner earns loads of money, they don't have to account for the child support as to where it is going. My Ex has managed to buy a new car, go overseas on holidays and all that when i struggled to put food on the table for myself. Child support is meant to be one half of what it takes to maintain a child, the "custodial" parent should be made to show receipts for monies spent on the children at tax time to justify the amount of money being paid. Particularly when that person removes the children against a court order and there is nothing that can be done about it unless you take them to court. It is near on impossible to afford to pay for a lawyer to take them to court as that cost thousands which you don't have due to the amount of child support you pay. It is a vicious circle indeed. I know not all "custodial" ex's are like this but there needs to be stringent rules and assistance for non custodial parents when these type of things happen. After all they are quite happy to take the money, they should allow us to see our children. Perhaps the percentage should be asset based? on both non custodial and custodial. Why should the non custodial parent live in squallor, never having the opportunity to afford to own a house when the custodial parent can work, get child support and have a partner who earns lots of money can afford to buy what they want? What of the poor kids who miss out on seeing their other parent through choices made for them by your ex?

  • blondie72
    blondie72
    Posted on:
    28th Nov 2010 10:18am

    blondie72 says: I agree entirely with all you have said here Ralphy and my heart goes out to you. Firstly I must say I was a single Mum of 1 with a drop kick Ex who never payed maintenance so I have not been in your situation but my best friend and her new husband have and are still currently in the exact same situation as you. Largely, you can thank the drop kick fathers/mothers who shirk their responsibilities (such as my ex) for causing the Government to lump all non custodial parents into the same category.

    In my friends case her new husband had two kids to his Ex wife, ex wife got everything in the divorce - house, cars, furniture, the lot and then refused to let him see the kids because he had found someone new. Meanwhile, she meets and marries a new husband and together they open up a business - a business that they purposely run at a loss and they pay themselves a wage.

    He now has tow little children as well to my friend, both under 6yo and a mortgage, car loan, utlities, rates, and school fees etc... to pay for as well but CS don't care less that some weeks he is flat out putting food on the table and his Ex is living the life of a millionaire!

    He doesn't begrudge paying his CS but what he begrudges is that he almost always has to work overtime to stay afloat and when he does the taxman gets some and so does CS (the EX)........its hardly worth getting a higher paying job or doing overtime only for the taxman & the EX to get most of it.

    At present he is looking into paying her out - apparently CS has informed him that he can pay her out - so now he is hoping and praying he can borrow the $50,000 it will take to pay her out so he can get a better job and work a heap more overtime. The way I see it, it will be worth to get her out of his life after the way she has treated him and turned his kids against him.

    CS need to treat each case individually (means test) and like you said - make the custodial parent provide proof that the CS money is going to the kids and down the necks of poker machines or up the arms of junkies or anywhere it shouldn't be going!

  • blondie72
    blondie72
    Posted on:
    28th Nov 2010 10:20am

    blondie72 says: I agree entirely with all you have said here Ralphy and my heart goes out to you. Firstly I must say I was a single Mum of 1 with a drop kick Ex who never payed maintenance so I have not been in...

    blondie72 says: correction *NOT* down the necks of poker machines....

  • Ralphy
    Ralphy
    Posted on:
    29th Nov 2010 07:13am

    blondie72 says: I agree entirely with all you have said here Ralphy and my heart goes out to you. Firstly I must say I was a single Mum of 1 with a drop kick Ex who never payed maintenance so I have not been in...

    Ralphy says: Hi Blondie.... Thanks for that, It is indeed a tough situation and I think everyone has to take a step back (incl the CSA & Gov't) and realise that the kids are the ones that hurt the most. Sure she may get the child support payment but because we have to pay loads of money to CS we then cant afford to do anything special with our kids. Mine were moved to Sth Aus and it cost me a fortune (i didn't have) to see them for a weekend after driving from Vic then renting a holiday house etc etc..... I was quite prepared to continue doing this but the choice was taken from me when she moved without informing me and gave me no forward address or telephone number... That weekend I saw them my oldest went pale and was shaking and when I asked her wat was wrong she told me that mummy said I was in heavan.... cruelty at it's worst i think (for the kids)... I have never been a drop beat dad who has never paid CS but I was also in a Gov't job where they knew exactly how much I was earning... tax refund??? what is that, apparently that went straight to her too... my ex lives on a huge farm, owns horses, runs a saddlery aand all the rest and I still to this day rent.... there is no fair system in place and never will be because they just dont care ... I know of some people I used to work with that made up a buisness (boating company) and all their money went into that and they paid themselves a small wage... thing is, they didnt even own a boat, but this way they were paying minimal CS payments... I couldn't do somethign like that because that is fraud as far as im concerned and again, the kids are the ones that suffer.... I feel for your friends as they are in a bad place either way.. I hope it works out for them.... what of you? has the kids dad manned up and paid what he should? did you find it hard to meet someone else with all the crap that goes on in these type of battles?

  • Shay-Dee
    Shay-Dee
    Posted on:
    29th Nov 2010 05:53pm

    Shay-Dee says: I have been on both ends here. My 16 y.o lived with me for 8 years, then has lived with his father for the past 8 years. The law (and CSA) definately DOES NOT favour for the non custodial parent. I am leaving to travel Australia, I have given up my job, everything, and will have no income except a few thousand I saved for the trip, and I have been told I STILL have to pay the mimimum yearly payments.

    YES, the gov't should defiantely make them show receipts for how they have spent the money

  • Ralphy
    Ralphy
    Posted on:
    30th Nov 2010 07:17am

    Shay-Dee says: I have been on both ends here. My 16 y.o lived with me for 8 years, then has lived with his father for the past 8 years. The law (and CSA) definately DOES NOT favour for the non custodial parent. I...

    Ralphy says: Hi Shay-Dee, I know the feeling. I quit my government job after 13 yrs (and it was a job I loved) and I left the country and travelled around Canada for 5 yrs living off my savings and all that. When I got back I found that I had a huge CSA bill for those yrs (over $20,000) apparently it didn't matter if i was not working or even receiving the dole as I was still required to make minimum payments.... which sucks. My argument (which fell on deaf ears) was if Im not working, got no income and not even getting assistance form centrelink how do you expect me to pay this money??? they just didn't care. I hope you enjoy your trip around Oz.... I would love to do something like that now but stuck in the work rut at the moment lol... I am also lucky as I am at the end of paying child support, there is light at the end of the tunnel (sometimes I think that light is the headlights of a huge truck barreling down on me lol)

  • Gypsy
    Gypsy
    Posted on:
    12th Dec 2010 09:28pm

    Shay-Dee says: I have been on both ends here. My 16 y.o lived with me for 8 years, then has lived with his father for the past 8 years. The law (and CSA) definately DOES NOT favour for the non custodial parent. I...

    Gypsy says: Hi Shay-Dee, you made comment about the payments etc, just because you chose to give up your job to travel, your responsibility are still the same, things in the world don't stop because you chose this way, so why would you think you are so hard done by if you still have to pay yearly payments. I don't understand people complaining about paying out to bring up a child. These children do not ask for this, it's been the result of the parent. So if your life has been interupted because of your child, simply give up your rights as a parent, and let the child know the people that only care and able to afford to give everyday items such as food.
    I think you people that complain are selfish no hopers, and please just because you have already had the child prior you get no medals for that either. Again it's the child that matters not you nor people like you.
    I am not accusing you of being a deadbeat parent, I am saying stop your complaining, you have the child your life goes on hold until they reach the age they can defend for themselves, it's a simply as that

  • Shay-Dee
    Shay-Dee
    Posted on:
    13th Dec 2010 07:25am

    Gypsy says: Hi Shay-Dee, you made comment about the payments etc, just because you chose to give up your job to travel, your responsibility are still the same, things in the world don't stop because you chose...

    Shay-Dee says: Yes its my choice to change my lifestyle ....
    Because I was made redundant so we decided the time was right to do it ...
    You assume to much and I am not angry about making my payments, unlike his father, when I had Alex, I have ALWAYS made my payments, and made them on time. And been threated by CSA if I was so much as 2 days late ... and YES that did happen.
    And it does not matter that this is my choice, if I have no job, I have no income ... You cannot get blood from a stone .... I cannot get govt payments, so therefore I cannot make payments

  • Shay-Dee
    Shay-Dee
    Posted on:
    30th Nov 2010 06:41pm

    Shay-Dee says: I still have 18 months to go .... And I am going to fight it ...

    Last year when I was made redundant from a job I had been at for 2 years, they were able to waive my payments until I was eligible for centrelink payments. If they can do it once, they can do it again :( grrrr

    We could not afford to go now, we just decided that if we don't, there will never be a "right time" to do it. So we made this the right time. We have spent 12 months, selling a house, paying out the mortgage, buying a car and new caravan. Making sure the rental is finished and ready to rent as a "new" house, saving what we can. We will have to work again at some point in the next 12 months, but at least, apart from insurances, and the rates, we have no bills :)

    Well, I have my maintenace now lol

  • Frog
    Frog
    Posted on:
    30th Nov 2010 07:07pm

    Frog says: The child support laws need a good shake up and I have been saying for years that any money paid in support should be going into a trust fund for the child - and then the onus is on the custodial parent to provide evidence of what the money is spent on ie school text books, clothes, etc. This would be a big step toward ending the bitterness as both parents then know the money can only be used to the benefit of the child involved. I also agree that once someone re-marries or enters into another de-facto relationship the child support should be reduced to take into account life circumstances.
    I have always wondered why people can get rent assistance on govt payments but if you are paying off your own home - there is no assistance - I am guessing they would prefer to see people out on the streets being even more of a burden on the economy.
    I also agree that both parents personal circumstances should be taken into a/c and that payments should be based on net pay not gross (as long as people are not salary sacrificing to try and reduce their payments).
    Bottom line it is the kids that end up suffering - and the way the system is now - it just adds to the bitterness of many breakups.

  • Ralphy
    Ralphy
    Posted on:
    1st Dec 2010 12:52pm

    Frog says: The child support laws need a good shake up and I have been saying for years that any money paid in support should be going into a trust fund for the child - and then the onus is on the custodial...

    Ralphy says: Hi Frog, great name by the way.... did you ever see smokey and the bandit lol.... anyway thanks for the response. I agree whole heartedly. There needs to be more thought put into it, obviously they are not going to please everyone with whatever they decide but there really needs to be more fairness involved. For instance, a multi millionaire could be paying less that joe bloke on the street because he has his money tied up in assets but the poor bloke or female (payee) is renting, cant afford a holiday, owes for a car and they have to pay maximum amount. It sucks. I am not nor have I ever been a drop beat dad when it comes to paying of child support as I have been paying since 1989 and I once mistakenly worked out exactly how much I have paid over the years and it almost made me cry. I could have bought a house with that money.... such is life I guess. As far as the paying off a mortgage goes, my ex and I did have a house together but when she took off she left me with the mortgage as well as the big child support bill each fortnight ($550).. I wasn't able to meet my mortgage and it got worse and worse . I had the place sold and on settlement day it fell through because my ex said she wanted more. Mind you it was enough to pay off mortgage and us split some money, so the sale fell through, when I couldnt make the payments anymore it was sold at mortgagee auction for way less and I was now stuk with a huge bill and nowhere to live... my ex went bankrupt so that she didnt have to be involved... sucked to be at that time I can tell you... since that time I have not even been close to being able to own my own place. Least I have my health and sense of humour still lol..... she can never take them away from me......

  • Shay-Dee
    Shay-Dee
    Posted on:
    13th Dec 2010 07:33am

    Ralphy says: Hi Frog, great name by the way.... did you ever see smokey and the bandit lol.... anyway thanks for the response. I agree whole heartedly. There needs to be more thought put into it, obviously they...

    Shay-Dee says: Awww Ralphy some people can be so nasty over seperation.
    My ex and I try to keep it together for our sons sake.
    I get pissed at him still though as our custody agreements state that I am a supposed to have my son, one weekend a month and half of every holidays.
    Everytime I try to organise my weekends, it takes 8-10 weeks to organise as his father always says he needs to "get back to me" on the dates etc, make sure thy have nothing on, and I have to keep ringing, and ringing, and ringing. And my son was only allowed to use the phone to ring me for my birthday Christmas, Mothers Day, I always had to ring if I wanted to talk :(
    And I was not allowed holidays over the school holiday period from work as thats our busiest period. So I asked his dad if I could take him for the whole Christmas holidays one year and he refused, it still worked out that I would have him for less than 10% of the financial year so it would not interfere in his Family Benefits or my maintenance paymenst :(

  • massmoney
    massmoney
    Posted on:
    22nd May 2011 01:41am

    massmoney says: This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the house rules.

  • stretch
    stretch
    Posted on:
    1st Jun 2011 02:19pm

    stretch says: This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the house rules.

  • Lady
    Lady
    Posted on:
    5th Jan 2012 05:35pm

    Lady says: Ralph I am a grandparent of 6 and do sympathise with you on this topic. I have a son who has always worked 12 hour days 5 sometimes 6 days a week. He has a son of 12 months and his partner decided that they should separate, no reason was given and as she was his first he was at a loss as to what he had done wrong. Always the gentleman and emotionally distraught he agreed. Two weeks later she became a solo parent beneficiary and IRD stung him for $110.00 per week child support because of his gross wage. Of the $110 IRD give her $22 a week so what did she gain???? He is now struggling and some times walks an hour to work at 3am when he doesnt have enough for fuel in his car. He also buys the treasures and milk powder for his son and gosh knows what she spends her money on. This is totally unfair for those hardworking honest guys whom IRD and WINZ sting for 16 years based on their gross wages. I feel there should be a set national rate per child deducted from the non custodial parent particularly as the custodial parent only receives $22 per week as child support. My question is what happens to the remaining $88 per week that IRD have taken off my son?????Remembering of course that he also pays taxes. Is IRD double dipping and how many others are in this boat??????

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