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Chilvary

have the days of chivalry gone.i still like to open doors for ladies or stand on puvblic transport for ladies.but some women object to this since womens lib has been introduced.what do you think.david

Last reply: 26th Sep 2012 / 38 replies / Post by david

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Robertofgoodna

Posted by: Robertofgoodna
Posted: 3rd May 2010

Robertofgoodna says: This is really important, and is related to immigration. I am 72 years old, with grey salt-and-pepper hair. I have frequently been picked up by a Samoan (in his expensive and worked-for motor car) and been driven to my front door. Samoans' culture is to nurture their children and to care for their elderly. I am so grateful for Samoan culture. Africans, on the other hand (and Sudanese in particular) are totally diffrerent. They have been brought here by accelelerated Visa arrangement, and live on generous government handouts. I was in a packed train a few days ago, and was astonished that no-one stood up for me or even for an elderly lady. I did notice that a young Sudanese student was among those who held on to their seat Reply

david

Posted by: david
Posted: 3rd May 2010

Robertofgoodna says: This is really important, and is related to immigration. I am 72 years old, with grey salt-and-pepper hair. I have frequently been picked up by a Samoan (in his expensive and worked-for motor car)...

david says: well said robert,but i do think manners as we were taugt by our parents is certainly becoming somethink of the past.it is good that a person from another country stood for you.probably teach some young australians some manners. Reply

DD

Posted by: DD
Posted: 16th Jun 2010

Robertofgoodna says: This is really important, and is related to immigration. I am 72 years old, with grey salt-and-pepper hair. I have frequently been picked up by a Samoan (in his expensive and worked-for motor car)...

DD says: That is very sad, and elderly people should be more respected than that. I think it's sad that these young people from, Sudan, as you say, havn't been taight that. Although I believe that you can't really blame them straight out. Maybe thay have not had the opportunity to be taught? Reply

Eugine

Posted by: Eugine
Posted: 18th Feb 2012

Robertofgoodna says: This is really important, and is related to immigration. I am 72 years old, with grey salt-and-pepper hair. I have frequently been picked up by a Samoan (in his expensive and worked-for motor car)...

Eugine says: It doesn't really matter what nationality young people are, there are not many who will give up their seat for the elderly. It is just the way society has changed and reflects the way children are being brought up these days. Many think it is a waste of time doing anything t6o help people these days. How refreshing it is when a person with a trolley load of groceries tells a person with a few items to go ahead of them. It just shows that they cqare. Reply

Robertofgoodna

Posted by: Robertofgoodna
Posted: 3rd May 2010

Robertofgoodna says: Thankyou David. I was trying to show that in some cultures chivalry is built-in, and is transferred even after migration (viz Samoan), whereas other cultures don't do the same, for example Sudanese, who seem to think it is their right to receive government handouts, and to ignore chivalry (either to women or to the elderly).

Of course some modern women sneer at chivalrous gestures, and are liable to say "What the fxxxx are you doing, you lame-brained toad? Don't you think I can open a fxxxxxx door by myself?" Fortunately such common creatures are not common!!!

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Bellxchat

Posted by: Bellxchat
Posted: 5th May 2010

Bellxchat says: I think chivalry extends to more than opening doors for women, or giving up your seat on public transport. We can re-name it manners or etiquette, and those qualities are never old fashioned. It means being aware of people around you, and treating them with respect and kindness. Say "please', "thank you", "excuse me", and remember to smile. Don't let the reaction of others stop you from being polite and considerate; it's their problem if they can't accept a kindness, and they are the ones missing out on a chance for a brief, but meaningful, encounter with a fellow human being. I smile and say "good morning" to all I meet on my morning walks. Not everyone replies, but my smile and greeting still make me feel good! Reply

Ollie

Posted by: Ollie
Posted: 17th Nov 2010

Bellxchat says: I think chivalry extends to more than opening doors for women, or giving up your seat on public transport. We can re-name it manners or etiquette, and those qualities are never old fashioned. It...

Ollie says: Very well said Bellxchat. I didn't particularly like the mention of specific cultures in other chats on this topic, because I think all cultures have differing mores, ethics and ways of doing things.
I think the biggest problem is respect for the aged. I am now 60, and not as confident or capable, both physically or mentally, as when much younger. I would have difficulty standing for some time on public transport, get a little confused and panic more easily ... eg. preparing to alight whilst carrying baggage. This will only worsen with age.
I have always appreciated a bit of 'old fashioned' chivalry... it shows that the other person is aware of your presence by being helpful and kind, with the good manners they have been taught. Opening the door for a woman, orfir example the Prime Minister (Male), is not that anybody is incapable, but a mark of 'respect'. An abusive reaction is discourteous and a display of ignorance.
I think some (not all) young people have not been taught respect and good manners, regardless of their 'cultural background', are quite immature, selfish (for whatever reason) and are just not aware of other people.

Too many seem to 'throw out the baby with the bath water' !
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Bellxchat

Posted by: Bellxchat
Posted: 17th Nov 2010

Ollie says: Very well said Bellxchat. I didn't particularly like the mention of specific cultures in other chats on this topic, because I think all cultures have differing mores, ethics and ways of doing...

Bellxchat says: Ollie, just to get away completely from manners...I've been hearing and reading a lot lately about our sub-conscious minds, and how our beliefs (true or not) shape our lives. Was it Mark Twain who said, "if you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right" ? I notice you say you're "not as confident...", "panic more easily".."this will only worsen with age". Think of your sub-conscious as a "yes-man", it says "yes" to all you say - "I am confident" (yes); "I am not confident" (yes);"I can do this" (yes); "I can't do this" (yes) - you can choose what you say to yourself (aloud or not) and you'll always get a "yes".
And back to manners: we can only do what we know to do, so keep up your good manners and good reactions, and it can only rub-off in a positive way. Reply

Hilary

Posted by: Hilary
Posted: 20th Feb 2012

Bellxchat says: I think chivalry extends to more than opening doors for women, or giving up your seat on public transport. We can re-name it manners or etiquette, and those qualities are never old fashioned. It...

Hilary says: I agree with you. Reply

Bill

Posted by: Bill
Posted: 9th May 2010

Bill says: I believe both manners and chivalrous acts are most important but, in this modern world, I don't think people know how to accept them.

It's as if there is so much suspicion\mistrust out there people look at you and think why is this person being so nice to me?

I always offer my bus seat to women but, while I have never been told where to get off, my offer has rarely been accepted. Reply

nans3boys

Posted by: nans3boys
Posted: 30th May 2010

nans3boys says: David,
Please don't stop being chivalrous, even though there are some rather thoughtless women (certainly not ladies) out there. I am always grateful if anyone holds a door, or offers a seat, and feel sad that it is becoming less and less common. My husband is also very dismayed when his kindness is rejected, but he will always keep trying. Keep up the good work. Reply

Kiwi chick

Posted by: Kiwi chick
Posted: 9th Feb 2011

nans3boys says: David,
Please don't stop being chivalrous, even though there are some rather thoughtless women (certainly not ladies) out there. I am always grateful if anyone holds a door, or offers a seat,...

Kiwi chick says: I totally agree. I'll always offer my help. It seems to be worse the bigger the city. I found Melbourne worst than Brisbane. I now live in a small town in NZ and people can't do enough to help. Maybe it has something to do with community spirit and anonymity in large numbers. Reply

shachah7

Posted by: shachah7
Posted: 31st May 2010

shachah7 says: I think the days where people have good manners and general respect for others, regardless of sex, is gone. Its quite sad for society. Reply

david

Posted by: david
Posted: 31st May 2010

david says: to all resposes,i absolutely agree,i am sorry about my delay in answering,i have been on holidays overseas.i do agree chivalry is dieing,unfortunate.i beleive it is in our upbringing.our parents should be teaching our children about politeness and caring for our fellow citizens.but bad parenting leads leads to kids who could not give a damn Reply

DD

Posted by: DD
Posted: 16th Jun 2010

DD says: I think that's really sweet you are so chivalrous. If someone did that for me, I would walk on clouds for the rest of the day. Women who get offended are waaay to sensitive, are feel offended because they victimize themselves. These women should understand that women's rights do not mean that they need to be offended by a nice act. I mean, who would be offended if someone gave up a seat on the bus for them? That's taking women's rights just a little bit too far. Keep up the good work David. I only hope you're on the bus when I really need a seat one day. Reply

Snookums

Posted by: Snookums
Posted: 23rd Jun 2010

Snookums says: It has everything to do with manners (not immigration or culture) I don't think it is necessary to open doors for ladies only, I open them for men - its manners- if their hands are full why wouldn't I open a door. I stand for elderly people or pregnant women. Reply

ollietom1944

Posted by: ollietom1944
Posted: 19th Jul 2010

ollietom1944 says: Good on you David. I agree. In general, chivalry does appear to have gone. I am 66 and still open doors for people, let them have a seat if they need it (such as aged, pregnant women or people with disabilities) but unfortunately, this seems to be a thing of our past generations. I also agree about womens lib. I tried to help a women I knew to move a cupboard, and she told me in no uncertain terms 'was I trying to show off my manly strength, that just because she was a woman, she wasn't incapable'. Can't win them all! Reply

terribrown

Posted by: terribrown
Posted: 19th Jul 2010

terribrown says: I am a 59 year old woman - and yes I do think the age of chivalry is dissappearing. Unfortunately, I think women have to shoulder the blame for a lot of this.
If men are continually 'put down' when they try to be polite or chivalress (spelt wrong) they will eventually stop the practice.
Womans Lib in itself was good to project women as equal in society but has esculated to an idea of 'better than men'.
It is a males natural instinct to protect the 'gentler' sex just as it is a natural instinct of women to nurture.
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Phoenixflame

Posted by: Phoenixflame
Posted: 19th Jul 2010

Phoenixflame says: In terms of chivalry, are we strictly talking in the sense of males being courteous to females and aiding them in certain situations? Or are we just talking about manners and politeness in general?
I seem to get the sense this topic is very generally regarding people being nice to one another. Reply

mermaid

Posted by: mermaid
Posted: 19th Jul 2010

mermaid says: I put it down to how one is raised David children are like sponges absorbing as little or as much as one is taught.

Women have been subjected to so much turmoil through centuries perhaps that is the reason for many now taking the opportunity to do it alone and their way! This is not to say there are men out there who have endured the same.

My partner and I open the door for each other, hold the lift doors for other people, give up our seats on public transport and allow others to go head of us in a busy queue. We are never troubled if a thank you does come to mind, just puzzled by their expression when we thank them!

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lpullman

Posted by: lpullman
Posted: 28th Jul 2010

lpullman says: Chivalry died on the battlefields of Europe in the 15th century, good manners on the other hand are never out of style :-)

I deliberately cultivate a slightly larger than life image because it's good for business. Having slightly better manners than those around you and leaping to help people without being asked is part of that. A hat is also a useful prop.

I've not had an adverse response in 20 years. Reply

PukPuk

Posted by: PukPuk
Posted: 26th Oct 2010

PukPuk says: Comes down to equal rights then equal responsibilities. Reply

budwah

Posted by: budwah
Posted: 4th Nov 2010

budwah says: I feel that nowadays youngsters don't respect others and to some extent themselves. The children that I see around have the Me attitude and don't worry about the concenquences. I have also been travelling on a crowdered Sydney Bus when a heavely pregnant lady came onboard - not one young person on the bus ( a lot of them were of school age) offered her a seat there was a bloke in his 20's who was considerate enough and he got up to offer his seat even though he had an artifical leg. Reply

hellsiebear

Posted by: hellsiebear
Posted: 29th Nov 2010

hellsiebear says: Having worked in the hospitality, gaming, retail, and security services for more than 25 years, I have noticed that cultural differences, education background, and environment give a very unique perspective to each of us concerning what is considered good manners and what is not. When it comes to Chilvary, anyone can learn it, but others have to acknowledge it when it is given and aid the person making the attempt to keep at it. We are all products of our environment and it comes down to the individual on how they interact with their environment. There is no excuse for age I feel, as the world is rapidly changing and getting smaller in terms of neighbourhoods. In some cultures it is seen as being lower class or as a slave to show any form of Chilvary: butlers open doors for instance, so if you take the time to be the one to open doors for others, you are seen as a slave. I believe that Chilvary can only be maintained in a society that promotes it as something charasmatic and classy, and will only thrive among the young if it is continuously nurtured like all things by everyone around them, not just their parents.
By the way, my mother came from a tiny island in the South Pacific, did not finish school, and had to learn English as she went along. She took it upon herself to learn all she needed to get by in white society and build a successful career, earn a bachelor degree, and be noted as a woman of style and grace. These things she did not learn from her parents. She did it all in spite of them. Reply

oracle1955

Posted by: oracle1955
Posted: 21st Dec 2010

oracle1955 says: I think that women have forgotten how to be graceful. no longer are you allowed to compliment women in the way they look as you will no doubt be charged with sexual harrasment. To open doors for them and allow them to enter before you or to give up your seat on transport systems you are rewarded with nothing not even a thank you or a warm smile of appreciation.
Manners are a thing of the past and politeness is dying as well. Most people are consciously thinking onle me, me, me...... It is heartbreaking that we no longer show respect to each other. Sure we are all equal but do so many have to go out of their way with rudeness in order to prove it. it is a sad state of affairs. Reply

57chev

Posted by: 57chev
Posted: 4th Feb 2011

57chev says: I like to think of myself as a strong independent woman. My partner of 20 years has always opened doors for me, holds my arm on uneven ground, always walks on the outside of me as well as a multitude of other things, I think its wonderful and such a shame that such gestures are being lost. Just because a man does these things for a woman doesn't mean shes a "poor feeble woman" , my partner would be the first to tell you that I rule the roost in our house, but I totaly respect my partner and all the things he does to make me feel a little special. Reply

ellamay

Posted by: ellamay
Posted: 4th May 2011

ellamay says: It`s good to see that someone does. I wouldn`t object to any man opening doors for me. Guys I met seemed not to know or think about this. Perhaps these days it is seen as not cool to do this! Reply

keyz12

Posted by: keyz12
Posted: 18th May 2011

keyz12 says: I don't think chivalry is dead, though it does seem to have been stabbed by the recepients of it. Most people like to think that they are being independent or as goood as any one else and don't like to accept help or a seat. These are the losers here. Don't stop being courteous or being chivalrous because of them. And if courtesy was made common, how much better the world would be. You hear the terms "common courtesy" and "commn sense"....unfortunately both don't seem too common any longer. As to what some people responses said about races ...don't think where you are from makes a big difference, it's your upbringing! Reply

stretch

Posted by: stretch
Posted: 1st Jun 2011

stretch says: most of the generation that does this act of respect is either very old or misunderstood
the age of today is look after number one and dont worry about what others believe or think
manners are not a part of the school protocol and at home if grandmother did not teach them and grandfather was not interested than the younger generation just did not pick up the basics
as mums and dads were to interested in making the basic dollar and complaining about doing the dishes
so i believe a lot of the problems begin with lack of manners and home time for the children
so in regards to the question
sorry but yes i believe the days of courtesy are nearly a thing of the stone age
but i try and do a few of the things that my former generation taught me
spelling was not one of them though
Reply

pnana

Posted by: pnana
Posted: 3rd Jan 2012

pnana says: manners should begin in the home , unfortunately this does not seem to happen any more . parents have no control of their children ,anf they are not told how to behave properly. Reply

emf

Posted by: emf
Posted: 17th Feb 2012

emf says: I just love it when men are chivalrous. Makes me feel special, not as some silly girls say, that it looks like they cannot do it for themselves. All power to the gentlemen! Reply

emf

Posted by: emf
Posted: 17th Feb 2012

emf says: I just love it when men are chivalrous. Makes me feel special, not as some silly girls say, that it looks like they cannot do it for themselves. All power to the gentlemen! Reply

Hilary

Posted by: Hilary
Posted: 20th Feb 2012

Hilary says: I really appreciate a man that is considerate , a man that is a 'gentleman" Reply

Jarrod!

Posted by: Jarrod!
Posted: 18th May 2012

Jarrod! says: I still open doors, use my manners, greet people in the street, let ladies go first... I was once told "to treat with women with respect not because they are ladies, but because you are a gentleman." I'm yet to be 'abused' for opening a door or letting someone else go first, and even if I was, it wouldn't stop me the next time the opportunity arose! Reply

Susan

Posted by: Susan
Posted: 19th May 2012

Susan says: My plus one opens the car door for me, waits until I sit down at a restaurant, opens other doors for me eg bank, shops etc. He enjoys doing it as a mark of respect Reply

fizgig

Posted by: fizgig
Posted: 14th Jun 2012

fizgig says: I agree with all of the comments.

Both Chilvary and good manners are duying out.

When I was 8 months pregnant and travelling on the train very few people offered a seat. I even offered mine to an elderly lady (I don't think she would like to be called old).

As an independant woman I cannot stand any women who "have a go" at a man who is being chilvarous - I encourage it. I think it is being respectful - not being derogatory to women.

I followed a woman into a building one day, the gentleman in front of her opened the door and stepped aside to let us both in first. She had a go at him because "she was perfectly capable of opening a door". I had a go at her for being rude!!! That is all it is.

To this day I do not understand why people cannot use "please", "thank-you" and "excuse me". My children do not get anything with out it and neither do their friends when they come over.

Men - do not give up - their are still some of us who appreciate it so much that it actually puts a smile on your face for the rest of the day!

Reply

CAT17

Posted by: CAT17
Posted: 22nd Sep 2012

CAT17 says: I am glad to say that Chilvary is still strong in my relationship. My husband and I have been married for 48 years in a couple of days and he still opens my door, sits after I do, waits to start his meal until I sit at the table. He lets me pass him if we are heading out the same door! He is a gentleman and always has been. His two daughters are also treated well by their father. Nice to be treated this way. He hasn't been well over the last few years but still keeps his gentlemanly ways. It is a shame that some modern men don't seem to treat their ladies the same way. Cangratulations David - you are a true gentleman! Reply

Trendy

Posted by: Trendy
Posted: 26th Sep 2012

Trendy says: Although it is dying. I am still a big believer in chilvary. I am a 23 year old male and I was always taught that the man provides for the woman. These days the woman goes to work while the man stays at home. I have a relative who is a girl, she goes to work for 14 hours a day, 6 days a week, while he sits at home on the doll "studying". I can't understand how anyone can think that's Ok. Reply

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