Cafe Chat Discussion

  • david
    david
    Posted on:
    29th Apr 2010 06:22pm

    Last Post 26th Sep 2012
    Replies     38

    Chilvary

    have the days of chivalry gone.i still like to open doors for ladies or stand on puvblic transport for ladies.but some women object to this since womens lib has been introduced.what do you think.david

  • Robertofgoodna
    Robertofgoodna
    Posted on:
    3rd May 2010 02:01am

    Robertofgoodna says: This is really important, and is related to immigration. I am 72 years old, with grey salt-and-pepper hair. I have frequently been picked up by a Samoan (in his expensive and worked-for motor car) and been driven to my front door. Samoans' culture is to nurture their children and to care for their elderly. I am so grateful for Samoan culture. Africans, on the other hand (and Sudanese in particular) are totally diffrerent. They have been brought here by accelelerated Visa arrangement, and live on generous government handouts. I was in a packed train a few days ago, and was astonished that no-one stood up for me or even for an elderly lady. I did notice that a young Sudanese student was among those who held on to their seat

  • david
    david
    Posted on:
    3rd May 2010 02:21pm

    Robertofgoodna says: This is really important, and is related to immigration. I am 72 years old, with grey salt-and-pepper hair. I have frequently been picked up by a Samoan (in his expensive and worked-for motor car)...

    david says: well said robert,but i do think manners as we were taugt by our parents is certainly becoming somethink of the past.it is good that a person from another country stood for you.probably teach some young australians some manners.

  • DD
    DD
    Posted on:
    16th Jun 2010 09:19pm

    Robertofgoodna says: This is really important, and is related to immigration. I am 72 years old, with grey salt-and-pepper hair. I have frequently been picked up by a Samoan (in his expensive and worked-for motor car)...

    DD says: That is very sad, and elderly people should be more respected than that. I think it's sad that these young people from, Sudan, as you say, havn't been taight that. Although I believe that you can't really blame them straight out. Maybe thay have not had the opportunity to be taught?

  • Eugine
    Eugine
    Posted on:
    18th Feb 2012 04:07pm

    Robertofgoodna says: This is really important, and is related to immigration. I am 72 years old, with grey salt-and-pepper hair. I have frequently been picked up by a Samoan (in his expensive and worked-for motor car)...

    Eugine says: It doesn't really matter what nationality young people are, there are not many who will give up their seat for the elderly. It is just the way society has changed and reflects the way children are being brought up these days. Many think it is a waste of time doing anything t6o help people these days. How refreshing it is when a person with a trolley load of groceries tells a person with a few items to go ahead of them. It just shows that they cqare.

  • Robertofgoodna
    Robertofgoodna
    Posted on:
    3rd May 2010 06:08pm

    Robertofgoodna says: Thankyou David. I was trying to show that in some cultures chivalry is built-in, and is transferred even after migration (viz Samoan), whereas other cultures don't do the same, for example Sudanese, who seem to think it is their right to receive government handouts, and to ignore chivalry (either to women or to the elderly).

    Of course some modern women sneer at chivalrous gestures, and are liable to say "What the fxxxx are you doing, you lame-brained toad? Don't you think I can open a fxxxxxx door by myself?" Fortunately such common creatures are not common!!!



  • Bellxchat
    Bellxchat
    Posted on:
    5th May 2010 01:03pm

    Bellxchat says: I think chivalry extends to more than opening doors for women, or giving up your seat on public transport. We can re-name it manners or etiquette, and those qualities are never old fashioned. It means being aware of people around you, and treating them with respect and kindness. Say "please', "thank you", "excuse me", and remember to smile. Don't let the reaction of others stop you from being polite and considerate; it's their problem if they can't accept a kindness, and they are the ones missing out on a chance for a brief, but meaningful, encounter with a fellow human being. I smile and say "good morning" to all I meet on my morning walks. Not everyone replies, but my smile and greeting still make me feel good!

  • Ollie
    Ollie
    Posted on:
    17th Nov 2010 12:34am

    Bellxchat says: I think chivalry extends to more than opening doors for women, or giving up your seat on public transport. We can re-name it manners or etiquette, and those qualities are never old fashioned. It...

    Ollie says: Very well said Bellxchat. I didn't particularly like the mention of specific cultures in other chats on this topic, because I think all cultures have differing mores, ethics and ways of doing things.
    I think the biggest problem is respect for the aged. I am now 60, and not as confident or capable, both physically or mentally, as when much younger. I would have difficulty standing for some time on public transport, get a little confused and panic more easily ... eg. preparing to alight whilst carrying baggage. This will only worsen with age.
    I have always appreciated a bit of 'old fashioned' chivalry... it shows that the other person is aware of your presence by being helpful and kind, with the good manners they have been taught. Opening the door for a woman, orfir example the Prime Minister (Male), is not that anybody is incapable, but a mark of 'respect'. An abusive reaction is discourteous and a display of ignorance.
    I think some (not all) young people have not been taught respect and good manners, regardless of their 'cultural background', are quite immature, selfish (for whatever reason) and are just not aware of other people.

    Too many seem to 'throw out the baby with the bath water' !


  • Bellxchat
    Bellxchat
    Posted on:
    17th Nov 2010 10:46am

    Ollie says: Very well said Bellxchat. I didn't particularly like the mention of specific cultures in other chats on this topic, because I think all cultures have differing mores, ethics and ways of doing...

    Bellxchat says: Ollie, just to get away completely from manners...I've been hearing and reading a lot lately about our sub-conscious minds, and how our beliefs (true or not) shape our lives. Was it Mark Twain who said, "if you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right" ? I notice you say you're "not as confident...", "panic more easily".."this will only worsen with age". Think of your sub-conscious as a "yes-man", it says "yes" to all you say - "I am confident" (yes); "I am not confident" (yes);"I can do this" (yes); "I can't do this" (yes) - you can choose what you say to yourself (aloud or not) and you'll always get a "yes".
    And back to manners: we can only do what we know to do, so keep up your good manners and good reactions, and it can only rub-off in a positive way.

  • Hilary
    Hilary
    Posted on:
    20th Feb 2012 12:24am

    Bellxchat says: I think chivalry extends to more than opening doors for women, or giving up your seat on public transport. We can re-name it manners or etiquette, and those qualities are never old fashioned. It...

    Hilary says: I agree with you.

  • Bill
    Bill
    Posted on:
    9th May 2010 08:55am

    Bill says: I believe both manners and chivalrous acts are most important but, in this modern world, I don't think people know how to accept them.

    It's as if there is so much suspicion\mistrust out there people look at you and think why is this person being so nice to me?

    I always offer my bus seat to women but, while I have never been told where to get off, my offer has rarely been accepted.

  • nans2boys
    nans2boys
    Posted on:
    30th May 2010 04:02pm

    nans2boys says: David,
    Please don't stop being chivalrous, even though there are some rather thoughtless women (certainly not ladies) out there. I am always grateful if anyone holds a door, or offers a seat, and feel sad that it is becoming less and less common. My husband is also very dismayed when his kindness is rejected, but he will always keep trying. Keep up the good work.

  • Kiwi chick
    Kiwi chick
    Posted on:
    9th Feb 2011 10:49pm

    nans2boys says: David,
    Please don't stop being chivalrous, even though there are some rather thoughtless women (certainly not ladies) out there. I am always grateful if anyone holds a door, or offers a seat,...

    Kiwi chick says: I totally agree. I'll always offer my help. It seems to be worse the bigger the city. I found Melbourne worst than Brisbane. I now live in a small town in NZ and people can't do enough to help. Maybe it has something to do with community spirit and anonymity in large numbers.

  • shachah7
    shachah7
    Posted on:
    31st May 2010 02:13pm

    shachah7 says: I think the days where people have good manners and general respect for others, regardless of sex, is gone. Its quite sad for society.

  • david
    david
    Posted on:
    31st May 2010 02:24pm

    david says: to all resposes,i absolutely agree,i am sorry about my delay in answering,i have been on holidays overseas.i do agree chivalry is dieing,unfortunate.i beleive it is in our upbringing.our parents should be teaching our children about politeness and caring for our fellow citizens.but bad parenting leads leads to kids who could not give a damn

  • DD
    DD
    Posted on:
    16th Jun 2010 09:24pm

    DD says: I think that's really sweet you are so chivalrous. If someone did that for me, I would walk on clouds for the rest of the day. Women who get offended are waaay to sensitive, are feel offended because they victimize themselves. These women should understand that women's rights do not mean that they need to be offended by a nice act. I mean, who would be offended if someone gave up a seat on the bus for them? That's taking women's rights just a little bit too far. Keep up the good work David. I only hope you're on the bus when I really need a seat one day.

  • Snookums
    Snookums
    Posted on:
    23rd Jun 2010 12:46pm

    Snookums says: It has everything to do with manners (not immigration or culture) I don't think it is necessary to open doors for ladies only, I open them for men - its manners- if their hands are full why wouldn't I open a door. I stand for elderly people or pregnant women.

  • ollietom1944
    ollietom1944
    Posted on:
    19th Jul 2010 10:57am

    ollietom1944 says: Good on you David. I agree. In general, chivalry does appear to have gone. I am 66 and still open doors for people, let them have a seat if they need it (such as aged, pregnant women or people with disabilities) but unfortunately, this seems to be a thing of our past generations. I also agree about womens lib. I tried to help a women I knew to move a cupboard, and she told me in no uncertain terms 'was I trying to show off my manly strength, that just because she was a woman, she wasn't incapable'. Can't win them all!

  • terribrown
    terribrown
    Posted on:
    19th Jul 2010 11:36am

    terribrown says: I am a 59 year old woman - and yes I do think the age of chivalry is dissappearing. Unfortunately, I think women have to shoulder the blame for a lot of this.
    If men are continually 'put down' when they try to be polite or chivalress (spelt wrong) they will eventually stop the practice.
    Womans Lib in itself was good to project women as equal in society but has esculated to an idea of 'better than men'.
    It is a males natural instinct to protect the 'gentler' sex just as it is a natural instinct of women to nurture.


  • Phoenixflame
    Phoenixflame
    Posted on:
    19th Jul 2010 04:28pm

    Phoenixflame says: In terms of chivalry, are we strictly talking in the sense of males being courteous to females and aiding them in certain situations? Or are we just talking about manners and politeness in general?
    I seem to get the sense this topic is very generally regarding people being nice to one another.

  • mermaid
    mermaid
    Posted on:
    19th Jul 2010 06:04pm

    mermaid says: I put it down to how one is raised David children are like sponges absorbing as little or as much as one is taught.

    Women have been subjected to so much turmoil through centuries perhaps that is the reason for many now taking the opportunity to do it alone and their way! This is not to say there are men out there who have endured the same.

    My partner and I open the door for each other, hold the lift doors for other people, give up our seats on public transport and allow others to go head of us in a busy queue. We are never troubled if a thank you does come to mind, just puzzled by their expression when we thank them!



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