Cafe Chat Discussion

  • Lil
    Lil
    Posted on:
    6th Nov 2011 11:34am

    Last Post 14th Nov 2012
    Replies     8

    Grandparents raising grandchildren

    Today many older Australians are finding themselves in the unenviable position of having to care for and raise their grandchildren, due to family trauma or unstable and at risk lives the kids would have if they stayed with their irresponsible/missing parent. With little or no support available, these loving 'oldies' are forced to use their retirement funds and time and to revisit parenting in a far more demanding enivromentthan that in which they raised their own children.

  • joye
    joye
    Posted on:
    22nd Nov 2011 10:57am

    joye says: yes - I know of 4 grandparents raising or having been the main career for children - all girls actually - for various reasons but in three cases where the natural parents are unable or unsuitable to care for their child. A very difficult job, but one that is very worthwhile and they need more assistance.

  • tif
    tif
    Posted on:
    15th Sep 2012 05:04pm

    joye says: yes - I know of 4 grandparents raising or having been the main career for children - all girls actually - for various reasons but in three cases where the natural parents are unable or unsuitable...

    tif says: my best friend actualy helped her mum raise her nephew from the age of 16 because of the circumstances behind the reason they have custady of himthey have regular speacialist appointments and they have to travel 2-3 hrs reguarly for them so yes i do believe they need so much more assistance

  • Donz
    Donz
    Posted on:
    24th Nov 2011 09:59am

    Donz says: After many months and court battles a year to be precise my son has finally won the right to have his son (my son still lives at home) his ex partner had given the baby away and at long last he is here with us, the court battle was long lengthy and at times I thought he would never come back, by the way he is two years old, we had Child Youth and Family check our house, Doctors reports to say we were alcohol and drug free and were also not at risk of self harming I felt that my home had been invaded by these people and still the baby was not here, checking over my home that I have lived in for 22years and to make sure that it was safe was a joke mentally I was stressed depressed at what could be happening to my grandchild and hoping that he would not forget us, it has just been a week now and he is settling wonderfully, and can talk as well we have him at day creche to give him interaction with other children as he loves the outdoors so I have to say this don't give up on our future generations and fight fight fight as there is so much joy at the end of the rainbow, money cannot buy the joy of raising your grandchild..........

  • Lil
    Lil
    Posted on:
    24th Nov 2011 09:13pm

    Donz says: After many months and court battles a year to be precise my son has finally won the right to have his son (my son still lives at home) his ex partner had given the baby away and at long last he is...

    Lil says: Its great that you have had a succcessful outcome for your little one. He will grown up in a house full of love. Such a pity that you had to have your privacy and integrity invaded to satisfy 'the authorities'. I wish you ever success as the years roll on and sincerely hope that you are not faced with any additional costs that you struggle to meet, as the little boy grows.

  • Donz
    Donz
    Posted on:
    8th Dec 2011 03:07pm

    Lil says: Its great that you have had a succcessful outcome for your little one. He will grown up in a house full of love. Such a pity that you had to have your privacy and integrity invaded to satisfy 'the...

    Donz says: Thanks for the reply Lil, we are still in the baby steps of this process tho as we have shared custody with the mother we have the baby Fri-tues and mum Tues evening to Fri morning, I am struggling with communication with her as I don't trust a thing she says, also we buy him cloths and then we never see them again it is frustrating so now we have decided not to give him our cloths and keep them here for when he comes and we put him back in the cloths that he arrives in it is a sad thing to do and you are right the additional costs, every time he comes back everything is so grubby I feel so sorry for him but when he arrives here he is given so much love and truly treated like a king, his mother tends to bend rules when she wants but if my son does anything example "the baby sleeps in so doesn't go to creche (cold rainy day) we keep him at home as he will be returned to her that evening, when we meet her she asks "what happened" we tell her and then she tells us that he needs to be woken up and its not good enough" not that she delivered the baby to our house the Friday before in the morning "NO CRECHE" because she doesn't feel well and can;t look after him, if the law allowed I would smack her for being naughty haha" that is the frustration she dictates to us not talk to us and if she wants to tell us anything she texts it "like he needs to be toilet trained she is starting to put him in undies" thats all good and well but we sent her out 6pairs of undies 3weeks ago none of which came back and nothing then to say we toilet train although we had already started doing that, I better not go on and burn your ears off but many many thanks for the reply.

  • Lil
    Lil
    Posted on:
    8th Dec 2011 08:10pm

    Donz says: Thanks for the reply Lil, we are still in the baby steps of this process tho as we have shared custody with the mother we have the baby Fri-tues and mum Tues evening to Fri morning, I am struggling...

    Lil says: I know exactly what you mean about the clothes. Definitely the right thing to send your grandson back in the same clothes he came in. We had to do that too after all the clothes we were buying were never returned. I always popped the clothes straight into the wash when our grandchildren came to us so that they could go back in clean clothes. I used to replenish the home stocks by frequenting the op-shops. I didn't mind those clothes being kept. Its a sad world when we cant trust the estranged parents of our grandchildren. Our situation has improved greatly over time, but there is always a doubt in my mind over anything that I'm told. That feeling of needing to give someone a good shake or a slap is one that i'm also familiar with - when will these 'big kids' start acting responsibily and not like naughty spoiled brats - ha ha! Keep loving your little boy - grandparents are so special!!

  • jules
    jules
    Posted on:
    23rd Jul 2012 12:21pm

    Lil says: Its great that you have had a succcessful outcome for your little one. He will grown up in a house full of love. Such a pity that you had to have your privacy and integrity invaded to satisfy 'the...

    jules says: Yes, - I agree with all what Lil has said to you. I think the authorities are 'out of touch' sometimes with the real world.
    I hope all goes well for you and your and your grandson. Knowing he is loved and cared for, and one day when he is older, he will thank you.
    Bless you.

  • mysteron347
    mysteron347
    Posted on:
    14th Nov 2012 05:11pm

    mysteron347 says: For decades, kids have had their "rights" drummed into them. Not their responsibilities. In consequence, we now have generations who believe that they can do what they will - exercise their "right" to an expensive tertiary education for their own amusement but not use that education to repay its cost to society.

    Similarly, they have the "right" to produce children as soon as they can find an appropriate partner (or even without) and it's society's obligation to provide their progeny with sustenance, education and anything else they need.

    A hundred years ago, it was not unknown for grandparents to raise children - in fact, it was quite common in the era before curative drugs for the parents to die from now-curable ailments before their children were of working age. Our view is distorted because our parents benefited from the medical advances and survived to care for us, hence our grandparents weren't called upon for this historical role.

    We now have more than one generation convinced that it's society's responsibility to provide for the results of their individual decisions - to study some worthless course, to produce children, to experiment with drugs - and increasingly it's the generations with more experience who are picking up the cost - monetary and social.

    Time to get back to teaching responsibility first. Once the kids have mastered that idea - then, and only then, do they get to have some rights.

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