Society & Culture

Why do people want their partners to change?

Society & Culture

Posted by: Ralphy

29th Nov 2010 10:58am

Just curious..... we all know that feeling of when we first meet someon and we are very attracted to them. It is everything about them that makes them attractive to us. the way they talk, what they say, what they do, all the little things that makes them who they are.... we then date (hopefully) and as we spend more and more time together and become partners in the true sense of the word something happens which has me baffled.... our "partner" tries to change us maybe small ways sometimes bigger ways.. why is this? why are they trying to change us from who we are after all isn't that who they were attracted to in the first place? Seriously, if you want us to change into something else then perhaps you should have looked for the person with those traits to begin with but then maybe they still wouldn't be happy and would still try to change that person........ doesn't changing us from who we are stop us from being the person you were attracted to? I understand that people grow and that some things change for us but I say that they shouldn't take away those little things that make us well US.....


bren
  • 18th Dec 2010 11:27am

I think when we start living together both need to make changes to accommodate the other. .... and as long as they are 'functional' changes like putting the washing in the wash basket, putting the toilet seat down, and general co-operation in the running of the household, it is all in a good cause.
Essentially, those small changes are worth making and we do them willingly. But major changes like not watching the science fiction movies or not going for a run in the morning, are taking away individual choices of lifestyle and are more difficult to justify - that is part of makes me 'me'
Having said that, life is in a constant state of flux, and so too the way that affects relationships. To my mind an ideal partnership is one that is a fertile ground for individual growth and relationship growth, and should not be one of exerting restrictions and thwarting dreams, potential and ambitions. It should be one of fostering, supporting and sharing in the afterglow of the other's achievements. The relationship should have that synergy, where two together become greater than the sum of their parts.


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